Author Archives: reba

Blessings abound

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Yesterday, Stephen and I celebrated our 12-year wedding anniversary. Our day consisted of going to church and Costco with the kids … ooh, how romantic. Seriously, it’s not that we ever questioned making it this long, but it’s stunning how God has been with us from the beginning.

“We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19

It’s so evident to us now how He has protected our marriage throughout, both during our wandering atheist years and since. It’s not that I think God preordained our relationship or anything like that. Our strength simply stems from His great love.

Worn out from months of battling TTTS, but still hanging in there, Stephen and I bond with our newborn NICU babies in October 2008. (Seen here is Zeke at one week old.)

We’re not “soul mates,” which is Plato’s version of couples who are supposedly destined to meet and become one. Rather, I like the following expression:

“A ‘sole mate’ is someone who walks with us as together we apply biblical love.” — Gary Thomas, author

And God’s abundant love, of course, spills over into all aspects our lives, most notably, having kids. He not only blessed us with three remarkable boys, but He also lights our way on this rocky road called parenthood, and offers up grace and helps us get back on track when we trip up.

“The days are long, but the years are short.” — Gretchen Rubin, author

Two of those blessings — Gabriel and Zeke — turn 4 tomorrow. Can you believe it? I remember the struggles and worries Stephen and I had during our battle with TTTS. Yet, it was only our faith in God and the shared love He has fostered in us that got us through that turbulent time.

Another flashback: I can’t believe those two little alien-looking creatures are so big and healthy now, and turning 4 on October 16!

Same can be said for Zeke’s CCAM removal, as well as getting Houston’s Horner’s Syndrome diagnosed and all figured out: God is able to place strength inside of us when we think it impossible, dare I say, inhuman.

And it’s not just the awesome outcomes of answered prayers or the commitment of a husband and wife, God has a way of also giving us a confidence that would surely be lacking without Him. I find this especially true these days with homeschooling.

Speaking of homeschooling, we’ve gotten into a pretty good routine and have become more efficient to boot. Christie says she heard that it takes about six weeks to really get into the swing of things, and I think the boys and I are proof of that.

Kindred spirits: “Big Hashy” get wet & wild @ the Keeley Park sprayground in late August.

Christie and I have created a casual homeschool co-op in which one of us does CC memory work with Asher and Houston, while the other one tends to the younger siblings. We’ve done it a couple times at a nearby park, but I’m unsure as to how effective it really is.

However, it does provide a change of pace, a good reason to get out of the house and enjoy the nice weather, and a good opportunity for our two crews to get together.

Saturday night, our CC director, Jen (a salt-of-the-earth native Wisconsinite), hosted a family potluck. It was amazing to watch all the kids — no matter their ages — play together and sincerely enjoy each other’s company.

“Hey, I’m Zeke,” announced my brazen boy as he waltzed into a room of tweens and teens. He plopped down and the typically angst-ridden age group welcomed Zeke into their conversation.

Big-hearted Gabriel loves on sweet Piper, who is ever the trooper for taking it in stride when hanging out with her two bros & the 3 Amigos.

Likewise, some older kids were wrestling on the trampoline when Gabriel, Zeke and Houston got on. So, the big boys tempered their rough moves, making it more user-friendly for the littler ones. The tweens even encouraged the dudes to stay on and participate in their ultimate-fighting showdown, coaching them throughout the fun.

And the 3 Amigos also played sand volleyball ball with kids and parents of all ages. (Bare in mind that Stephen and I didn’t encourage the boys to do any of this; they just ventured off on their own and were received with open arms by these wonderful CC families.)

On 10/1, Stephen and I attended Right Night, a local radio event which was hosted by my favorite syndicated talk-radio personality, Jason Lewis. Honestly, he’s the only talking head I listen to anymore, which is why Stephen says I’m a JL groupie.

Stephen and I pose w/ Jason Lewis — the best talk-show host in the biz! — @ Rush Radio’s Right Night on October 1.

The station was giving away his latest book, Power Divided Is Power Checked: The Argument For States’ Right, and Stephen won the last copy. I, of course, dutifully had my book in tow, and we were able to get both signed by America’s Mr. Right himself.

We also met our Winston-Salem counterparts that night. Jimmy, like Stephen, works in software and has made great strides with self-sufficiency, although his loftier prepper dreams still remain unfulfilled. Both men say they aren’t giving up yet.

His wife Rebecca, like me, has the same name (duh!) and is a homeschooling mom. They, like us, are Christians, (little L) libertarians, and huge fans of Jason Lewis. Who da thunk there were any kindred spirits out there for two radicals like us?!

Houston & Jackson watch as Zeke bursts forth from the fountain bubble @ the sprayground.

Then again, our newest pals Christie and Logan are on our wave length. Meeting them seemed kind of like a fluke, but perhaps there are more live-and-let-live types out there, just waiting to be befriended.

You know you’re “soul sisters” with a woman when she finds humor and comfort in Parenting: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures. It’s the best mommy-centric site ever … thanks for the reading suggestion, Christie!

On a sad final note, baby Morgan, who I wrote about in the last blog, passed away on 9/30. Thank you so much for your prayers and please have continued prayer for her loved-ones. Rest in peace in heaven, sweet girl.

Prayers for baby Morgan

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Morgan is a 3-month-old girl who I’ve never met. She is the daughter of our dear but rarely seen friend, Jennifer — a warm, bubbly, caring woman who we instantly befriended during a Disciple class we took back in ’06-’07.

Unfortunately, Morgan has been fighting for her life for weeks now due to an undiagnosed severe lung infection. Despite the doctors’ best efforts, they are unsure of what the condition even is, and all the varied attempts at treatment have been ineffective.

My three beautiful miracles before heading off to a Vacation Bible School celebration.

So Morgan will be removed from her heart-lung bypass machine tomorrow. “We choose this day because the Lord gave Morgan to us, and we will return her on His day,” wrote daddy Kyle on Facebook.

Barring a miracle — which have been known to happen — Morgan will be going to be with Jesus soon, so please pray for her and those she will leave behind. Morgan will be missed by her parents, two sisters, grandparents and others who were blessed to love her during her brief, but cherished life.

Since the blog begins on such a serious note, I wasn’t going to mention some of the things I had originally planned to write about, like Zeke’s naughty-behavior issues of as late; the return of Houston and Gabe’s cough; and my slow, but steady progress in conquering the backyard kudzu.

Parents like to comfort themselves by saying, “Sure, I’m not the perfect mom, but I don’t think my kid will grow up to be an ax murder.” Well, maybe we need to rethink that one with Zeke : )

But then I realized these seeming irrelevant items prove the larger point that we are definitely not in control. God is. It is He that wove Zeke into a strong-willed child — definitely a characteristic that served him well when fighting for his life in utero, in the NICU and during his lobectomy surgery.

Obviously, we’ll continue to discipline and try to shape Zeke into a more obedient, respectful child, but God will ultimately be the authority on to what level we succeed. And perhaps his willful nature will again serve him in some greater capacity later in life. Only God knows.

Likewise, try as you may to do seemingly simple tasks, such as help your children get over a common cold or eradicate a pesky weed from your property, God is the final arbiter of even the smallest things that touch our lives. His plan is the plan, no matter how hard we sometimes fight it.

This reminds me of something I read in an article recently published in Greenhouse, the e-zine of North Carolinians for Home Education (NCHE).

Four eyes are fashionable: Houston models Daddy’s glasses.

“As I went downstairs, I thought of Frodo (the protagonist in Lord of the Rings), who when the weight of carrying the ring becomes too much for him, says to Sam, ‘I can’t do this anymore,'” writes homeschool mom, Konnie Hall.

“I was so bent over with the heavy weight of my children’s education that the top of my head could have landed right on the kitchen counter. I must have looked like a wilted French fry.

“I said, ‘Lord, I can’t do this anymore. Ten years of it. I’m exhausted. I’ve failed them. Just plant the big letter F right on my chest for all to see!

“And then I heard the gentlest voice tenderly say, ‘Of course you can’t do this, my dearest one. You never could. Do you remember what I said?

“If I have called you to do this, I will also bring it to pass. Rest. Relax. I will take the full responsibility of the children’s education on my strong shoulders. Your burden is light.'”

“I want to be just like Daddy,” says Gabriel.

No, I haven’t already gotten to Hall’s point of frustration with homeschooling, but I do get burned out on just being a mom sometimes. It’s an ever-challenging and always-changing job, but it’s what God has called me to do.

He wouldn’t have blessed me with the 3 Amigos if He didn’t know I could handle them, warts and all. And most times, I do love being a mom and do a pretty good job. But with every job comes stresses, headaches and hassles … and yes, lots of mistakes.

So, learning to relax and put things in God’s hands is always the best antidote to a thorny situation. Example: Getting frustrated when one of the boys backtalks. My gut feeling is to say, “Oh, you WILL respect me!”

Or getting angry when someone exhibits irrational behavior and yelling to try to fix it. Well, that’s pride, not parenting. And I need to use the tools God has given me to better cope with such inescapable struggles, thus, increasing my peace and perspective.

Rebecca & baby Rorie: Auntie Merdy and Uncle Greg’s beautiful miracle, who survived the trials of being born 10 weeks premature.

“Be prepared and keep it simple,” says The Successful Homeschool Handbook, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. That uncomplicated truism can work not only in homeschooling, but also for parenting and living in general. After all, it’s probably the only thing we really can control.

If you would, please pray for two other loved ones: Grumps and Grandma Bobby. The boys and I made impromptu midweek trips to see both of them recently. (Gotta love the flexibility of homeschooling.)

Grumps has had a couple falls and can’t travel anymore, so we trekked to the mountains to visit him and Granny a couple weeks back. His’ spirits are up, but he is exhausted and hurting physically.

Then this past week, we drove to Virginia to see Grandma Bobby, who is the boys’ great grandmother. She is not only weak and in pain, but she is also demoralized. Please pray that both Grumps and Grandma find some comfort and peace. Thanks.

Learning curves

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Defined as “a graphic representation of progress in learning measured against the time required to achieve mastery,” our lives have been marked by an uncommon number of learning curves lately.

The blog & gallery upgrades

Since Stephen made the necessary tweaks to our sites, blogging has become more difficult as we get familiar with the new software, and determine what subsequent plugins are necessary and how to use them appropriately.

Unfortunately, we don’t yet know how to export iPhoto pics into gallery. Therefore, these photos aren’t linked to albums where you can view all the images. Luckily, I at least figured out how to include single images so that my post isn’t totally void of fun visual content.

I’m sure we’ll figure it out … eventually. But with three kids and loaded schedules, piecemeal progress is as good as Stephen and I can do these days.

The dudes check out cattails alongside the Bodie Island Lighthouse boardwalk.

Classical Conversations & homeschooling rock!

Although these education methodologies get my ringing endorsement, each and every day includes innumerable learning curves and subsequent lessons. But then again, that’s part of the fun of schooling at home: it’s never dull and it’s full of surprises.

I have been officially homeschooling Houston for two weeks now. The CC grammar curriculum for Foundations (the program name for elementary-age kids) includes: history, geography, English, Latin, math and science. Students are also required to give a three-to-five-minute presentation in front of their CC class every week.

Additionally, we’re doing a more in-depth math curriculum, as well as phonics. For math, I chose the tried-and-true Saxon. A favorite of homeschoolers for decades, the program produces great results. In fact, my neighbor, Shawn, has used Saxon Math for all three of her kids, ranging in ages from 6 to 16.

For phonics, I chose Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons, a popular book I picked up for $5 at a homeschool book sale in the spring. We’re also supplementing with having Houston “read” lots of Dick & Jane — classic and effective.

The woman who sold me the phonics book said it worked wonderfully for her first two kids, but not her third, proving again that all children and their learning styles are unique. So, I’ll give it a whirl.

If I find it doesn’t work with the boys — yes, I’m attempting to teach all three to read — I’ll use The Writing Road To Reading, which is what Christie’s using for Asher. That gal is a research fanatic so I know anything she approves of is a winner. Thanks for sharing all your knowledge and ideas with me, Christie!

Gabriel rocks his sunglasses while everyone checks out the marsh (yep, that’s the lighthouse covered in scaffolding in the background ).

See, one of the cool things about homeschooling is that if something doesn’t pan out, you stop using it and try something new. No big deal ’cause you’re not locked into any curriculum.

And that’s how CC operates, as well. Does the program have expectations? Yes. But it is ultimately up to mom and dad, not the weekly tutor, to determine how much or little the student delves into the subject matter. CC is totally parent-driven.

Soaking in the knowledge

Another cool thing is that Houston and I are learning together. Obviously, for this old atrophied brain, some of the rote material is even challenging for me to memorize. Yet because I often struggle right alongside him, Houston sees that learning is sometimes difficult, but is also so rewarding once you attain the knowledge.

Moreover, he sees that we can get creative when we’re in a bind, coming up with our own silly tricks or mnemonic devices to help us learn the material. It’s fun and it works. Whatever it takes to “train the brain to retain,” as CC founder Leigh Bortins describes it.

Sure, there has been some sighing and eye-rolling over the course of our short school year. But so far, Houston is loving the structured learning process, especially all the CC timeline stuff, which includes history recitation through song and hand motions.

Time management

The night before each school day, I try to create a loose lesson plan. This is when I hop on the Mac to find any appropriate printables, videos, maps or ideas that would compliment the materials. I also look for neat worksheets and/or easy crafts for Gabriel and Zeke to do to occupy their time in a constructive way.

Old pals (literally): Ashley & I strike a pose on the beach in south Nags Head.

They’re always invited to do the phonics and even sometimes the math (especially when we’re using the teddy-bear counters or the pattern blocks) if they show an interest. But if they’re disruptive or don’t follow directions, one or both has to leave the lesson with no reentry allowed.

Houston and I spend extra time on the drills that are more demanding and less time on the easier ones. If we happen to run out of time, we try pick up with the left-out material the following day. So far, this organic approach is working well.

I’m also trying to take it easy as far as the academic extras go. See, homeschoolers are some of the most creative and motivated people around, and they’re always coming up with additional ways to flush out the studies or even tacking on new curriculum to the already-existing subjects.

More power to ’em, if they can handle it. But I want to avoid the “activity addiction” that so often consumes our culture and stay focused on the task at hand: to know God and make Him known through understanding His truth, beauty and goodness.

“Properly speaking, there is no such thing as education. Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.” — G.K. Chesteron

Hence, I want schooling to be a joyous things for the entire family. And if making the effort to avoid over-scheduling the calendar or jam-packing the curriculum is what helps meet this end, I know I won’t be errant in providing a good education for the kids.

As our friend, Max explains, if I’m doing “one percent above zero,” I’m still beating the efforts of most government-run schools. As the dad of three homeschooled kids, he’s biased, but his sentiment is instructive in keeping me focused.

The sandiness of the sand perturbs grumpy-boy Zeke.

Moreover, I’m spending WAY more than two hours a day — the purported amount of time kindergarten takes, according to some veteran homeschoolers in my CC community — on all curriculum combined. Sure, much of that is due to late starts, interruptions, disciplining, food prep, mealtimes, cleanup, etc.

But I’m hoping this will take care of itself as we get more into the groove and become more streamlined and efficient with our homeschooling style, structure and daily rituals. My practicing better prioritization of to dos will also aid in this hopefully natural evolution.

The proverbial curve ball

And then again, some days just don’t go as planned. Like last Thursday …

I woke up with a migraine. As I struggled to even read words on a page, Gabriel puked all over the living room. I sequestered him to the tub so I could clean up, when all of a sudden, Houston went diarrhea in his undies.

How could this be? These things weren’t  on my schedule!

Luckily, Zeke was not sick and not as much of a troublemaker as he had been in recent weeks. Once my migraine morphed into a tolerable headache, Zeke and I did laundry, and Houston and I were able to complete the math and phonics.

“Okay, we can pull this day together after all,” I said confidently. Then I heard the bathroom sink running and thought, “Who the heck left that on?” Turns out, I did.

Fortunately, Zeke likes the OBX surf more than he does the sand, as does Houston.

When I was filling up the sink to hand-wash a shirt, I stepped away for what I thought would be a moment. Of course, mommies constantly get side-tracked, so I was gone for a good five minutes before I realized my error and discovered the flooded bathroom.

Fortunately, I had a ton of dirty clothes right there in a hamper and was able to quickly sop it up. Plus, our bathroom is apparently a bit uneven, so the brunt of the water was up against and around the toilet, the tub and one wall, never making its way to the laminate in the bedroom or down the air-duct register.

I checked the crawlspace and the water doesn’t seem to have leaked under the house, so I think we’re okay on the possible major-water-damage front. Thank God for stinky laundry and shoddy homebuilders!

Speaking of stinky, sickness stinks!

Gabriel and Houston’s illness lasted a few days, but the puking and diarrhea have subsided, and both boys finally ate some food today. Not quite sure what it was that they had, but I think they’ll be in tip top shape by tomorrow. And we’re blessed that Zeke, Daddy and I were spared the ravages of the sickness.

A steep learning curve down the toilet

In other words, what we finally accomplished for the clan: two more potty-trained boys!

In fact, Zeke has been wearing undies to bed ever since 9/5 and has yet to have a nighttime accident, and Gabriel is wearing undies to bed for the first time tonight.

Gabriel thinks the ocean (i.e. the “rough beach”) isn’t much fun at all; luckily, he is entertained by the giant sand hole Cousin Kara dug.

Gabriel was slower in his big-boy maturation, having to do naked training and pull-ups on outings and at night for a bit longer than Zeke, but I do believe both twins have surpassed the major milestone once and for all. Hallelujah!

To reward the twins, Daddy and I ordered new Spider-Man bikes for them yesterday. Since he was potty trained first, Zeke got to pick his color; he chose the comic-book-looking white bike and Gabe will get the more movie-esque black bike. Yay!

The mastery of enjoyment

Luckily, there is no learning curve for fun and we’ve been having a great deal of it lately.

  • Houston has had two t-ball games. He loves going to practices with Daddy and putting on a good show when the family comes to see him play. Houston is quite good and quite ready to move on to pitch ball in the spring.
  • Last weekend, we hosted a “Welcome Home, Rorie” baby shower for Uncle Greg, Auntie Merdy and their sweet girl. The outdoor party got rained out half way through, but it did give us an opportunity to see some friendly faces of yore.
  • Every week after CC class concludes, there is a park gathering with all the other Foundations families. It’s a good post-studying release for the young ones and a good occasion for all the moms to relax and socialize.
  • Christie and I hope to do a bi-monthly park outing, where one of us will do CC memory work with Houston and Asher — Big Hashy, as the twins lovingly refer to them — while the other tends to siblings. We has such an outing this week and it was a nice diversion from schooling at-home.
  • Stephen and I attended a fundraiser banquet for my favorite local charity, the life-affirming Greensboro Pregnancy Care Center. I hope to one day soon volunteer at GPCC. I’ve already turned in my application and done the in-person interview to be a peer advocate, so I pray that God will enable me to carve out the time to do something I truly believe is a calling.
  • I forgot to mention in the last blog that Stephen and I also started a new Sunday school class on Promotion Day at church. We’re now attending Grace Under Fire (GUF). It’s a good fit for us, with mostly older parents who aren’t planning on growing their families. And it just so happens to include tons of homeschoolers and charter school parents to boot.
  • I just finished another storybook with the boys: Shiloh, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. It is an incredible read and the first in a trilogy. We’re now getting deep into the second of the series, Shiloh Season. Thanks, Aunt Lisa, for sharing your sizable children’s book collection with our family … we’re putting it to good use!