Category Archives: Clubs

The art of leaving things undone

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 “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” – Lin Yutang, Chinese writer

Poet Jill Briscoe added that letting things go not only simplifies our daily existence, but the skill also opens us up “so that the greater things can be done.” For me, those paramount deeds are maturing in my spirituality, and in my roles as wife and mother.

Houston & Gabriel love their homemade Indian headdresses. (Click to see November – Part 1 pics.)

Sometimes I make leaps, while other times I dodder along, baby-stepping it or just falling down flat. But practicing the art of leaving things undone — however futile an effort it often seems — has helped me regain a sense of strength and sanity I had been (intermittently) lacking. Thank you, Lord, for helping me focus more on the essentials.

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In fact, I have on occasion been tempted to give up this blog. It has always served as a therapeutic way for me to vent, celebrate, reflect and update, all while helping me stay on top of my writing skills. Considering all the time it takes away from other things, I have questioned whether the blog and gallery were worth the hassle.

But a chapter in “52 Things Kids Need From Their Mom” points out that a family blog is more like a letter to your loved ones. The author, Angela Thomas, goes so far as to say that it “will become the treasure that helps shape (your kids’) lives and the way they parent their children.”

I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I do think the boys will one day cherish the reminiscences, hopefully giving them a better understanding of their Mommy and Daddy as people and parents, as well as a peek into their early childhood and a few laughs to boot.

Zeke dons his fine-looking homemade pilgrim hat.

Travels

Daddy had some job-training in Raleigh and the 3 Amigos and I decided to travel with him to the Capital City and spend Sunday night, 1/22. This was the boys’ first time in a hotel and they loved the entire experience, from eating in the hotel restaurant and the guy buffing the hallway floors, to the TV at the foot of the bed and the full-length mirror on the closet.

The fancy elevator made the biggest impression on the boys. Initially, Zeke was scared of it and made me walk the stairs with him a time or two, but by the end, he was overcame his fears.

That Monday, I took the kids on a driving tour of NC State and the capitol grounds. They still thought the elevator was cooler. Gabriel even said he wanted to move to Raleigh just so we could have an elevator. Houston concurred it was a nice city, but that he didn’t want to move there because we wouldn’t have a DVD player. I guess they think the Marriott is the only place to live in Raleigh.

Then Gabriel spent his first solo weekend in the mountains with Granny and Grumps from 1/27-1/29. Daddy drove all the boys up to the half-way meeting place on Friday for a big family dinner, and then Houston, Zeke and I picked up Gabriel on Sunday after church. Granny had nothing but praise for G-man’s behavior.

During the hands-on Thanksgiving lesson, Miss Jessie teaches the crew about maize.

Gabriel had a blast, but said that two nights away was enough and that he was ready to get home. It was also really touching to see how much Houston and Zeke missed their beloved bro. They pined for him much more than I thought they would. Too cute.

Family focus

As mentioned in the last blog, we’re attempting to make the most of the more limited time that Daddy’s home. This, of course, takes a little planning and sticking to the agenda, but also flexibility when weather, health, naps and anything else life can throw at us gets in the way. Here are a few of the basics:

  • Friday family dinner night: This is sometimes a struggle, but it is definitely a battle worth fighting. Our new tradition is to discuss topics that the boys have been collecting throughout the week. We totally forgot to do that for this Friday’s mealtime, so we had to wing it and talked about our highs and lows for the day instead.
  • Stephen and I are determined to be more diligent in doing date nights. Our hope is to have at least one every couple of months. As of now, our first night out is on the calendar for a belated Valentine’s dinner. No kids, lots of romance … what’s not to love?!?
  • Stephen will continue with boys-only fun, but he’s also working one-on-one time into the mix. He still owes Gabriel his pool date from the second “diamond” competition, and Houston, who won the latest round, also wants to go swimming. Gabe’s outing is now on the calendar.
  • Of course, family jaunts are crucial and have to be woven into weekends when possible.

Gabriel shows off his “caught fish” from our makeshift teepee. (Click to see November – Part 2 pics.)

Last Saturday when Gabriel was away, Stephen and I decided to take advantage of the lighter load and took the boys to the greenway for some fresh air and exercise. Houston rode his bike (quite expertly, I must say) along the paved trail, and Zeke enjoyed the lakeside views while on foot or from his leisurely spot in the the red wagon.

Then we did Lebanese fare for lunch. Houston and Zeke devoured everything from stuffed grape leaves and hummus to spanakopita and falafel. Granted, the boys are used to this kind of food, since this joint is one of our favorite restaurants, but I think that their one-eighth Arab blood probably has something to do with it, as well. A successful family outing all around.

Education

Due to her spring semester classes, Miss Jessie is here for schooling on our MOPS days. And since the church has pretty great children’s programming, we’ve been doing an alternating schedule of who (Houston or the twins) goes to MOPS with me and who stays home for pre-K fun with Miss Jessie. This gives the MOPS kid(s) some less competitive Mommy time, while allowing Miss Jessie to do really focused, age-appropriate activities for the at-home kid(s).

On 1/31, I visited a Classical Conversations community with my pal, Christie. CC is a method of homeschooling, but the families who utilize this classical model of education meet once a week at different campuses (usually churches) around town for tutorials. This gives kids the experience of learning in a classroom setting and allows them opportunities to make friends. Parents also use the gatherings to organize co-ops, play groups, field trips and the like.

A group photo I snapped to use for the grandparents’ Christmas gifts.

Christie, a former private and public school teacher, has helped me shed much of the self-doubt that had been creeping in regarding elementary homeschooling the boys. Even though that has always been our plan, the thought of it now that Houston is a rising kindergartner was becoming a little scary. But learning about CC and its wonderful local community (many of whom are Westover members) is helping me regain my confidence.

I’m still trying to cover all my bases by simultaneously looking into magnet schools. My county actually has an impressive list of alternative public schools. Of most interest are the Spanish immersion, science and technology, and Montessori academies. I will be attending an upcoming magnet fair, as well as a CC informational meeting, and then we’ll see how things pan out from there.

Health

Gabriel and Zeke recently had a check-up for their cough-variant asthma, and the specialist said we can start weaning them off their antihistamines and inhalers in April, but she wants them to back on the prescriptions in August for one more season. The hope is that they will have outgrown this type of asthma (a very common occurrence in kids) and that they can kick the meds for good in spring 2013.

Last Thursday evening, Gabriel started puking around dinnertime and the spell lasted till just before midnight. I assume it was some sort of short-lived stomach bug because he was doing much better by the next morning. Luckily, none of the rest of the family caught it, and G-man has gotten back his appetite and is doing great.

Gabe still wears the pantyhose from a fun Miss-Jessie game.

Phonics

This Sunday at a restaurant, Houston used his mad phonics skills to sound out “exit.” Amazing to see your kid actually read a word all on his own. Daddy says he also spelled out “buffet” and then expertly figured out what the word said, despite the fact it doesn’t read the way it sounds. Smarty britches.

What’s in a name?

As mentioned previously, Stephen recently encountered another kid named Zeke at Chick-fil-A. Soon thereafter, a lady at MOPS told me she has a 10-year-old son named Zeke, short for Ezekiel and everything. Then there’s getzeek.com (a website similar to Groupon), Disney Channel’s “Zeke and Luther,” and Zeke the little bro on the PBS show “Sid the Science Kid.” Who knows, maybe “Zeke” will end up being the next “Aiden” or “Ethan.”

Now, it’s not a stretch to say that there’s often another “Gabriel” running around at the places we visit on our adventures. His name used to rank in the 30s of top 100 boys names, but apparently has moved its way up into the 20s. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind.

We have yet to cross paths with another “Houston.” In fact, it’s just a weird enough name that people often mistake him for the increasingly trendy name “Hudson.” I’m sure we’ll run across a “Houston” sooner or later … probably whenever we visit Daddy’s home state of Texas.

Learning to lean on God

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Giving up your worries, fears and anxieties to God should be easy for a Christian, right? Well, this is something I have to constantly work on. I don’t know if it’s because I’m stubborn and type-A or if it’s because I was an atheist for so long, but I’m constantly stumbling on this spiritual journey of mine.

I suppose learning to lean on God full-heartedly for safety and comfort, especially during tribulation, will come with time. I have made great strides recently, but as they say, baby steps.

Jack, Houston, Gabriel, Willie & Lettie ride the Halloween Train (click pic to see the full gallery).

Learning & growing Mommy style

The last MOPS meeting on 1/10 marked a kind of epiphany for me. Miss Jessie wasn’t around much early that week, Daddy had been out of town on business for a couple of days, I was already dealing with the guilt of having a mommy-meltdown the previous week, and by that Tuesday, I just felt like the world’s worst mother and a pretty crappy person to boot.

I almost blew off the meeting, but God had big plans for me that day. First, my friend, Travita, greeted the gloomy me with “Jesus Calling,” a daily-devotional book I had mentioned wanting to borrow from her last fall. Her remembering the book and then saying I could have it was just what I needed to start pulling myself out of this woe-is-me state.

Then Lawrie, a mentor mom, gave a devotional about how we have to remember to always have a central place for God in our lives. Somehow we manage to make time for many of the non-essentials, yet God so often gets pushed to the side or forgotten about altogether. Her words were simple, but they also spoke a profound truth to my heart.

Zeke didn’t get to ride the train, but he still had a blast.

Our guest that day was bigwig speaker/author Angela Thomas, who happens to be local, attend Westover and be super-Southern — all very cool things, in my opinion. Her motto is “ordinary women become extraordinary in the arms of God.” Just a like a good sermon when you feel like the preacher is speaking directly to you, Angela’s storytelling hit home, specifically in two things she said:

  1. I have to care for my heart and soul, and do whatever it takes to become a healthy woman. To do this, I must choose to trust and walk with the Lord, or He will show me how. The latter is what I had been experiencing, but opening up my heart to God as comforter and sustainer is such the easier option. After all, this world doesn’t own me.
  2. Mamas set the tone in the home, both spiritually and emotionally. A godly Mama and Daddy are at the center and the kids are under their umbrella, reaping the benefits of their love, safety and grace. This was the necessary reminder that I had faltered on my path and needed to get back to the essentials of what a blessing it is to be a mother.

After the meeting adjourned, my gals spent their precious time consoling and counseling a teary-eyed me. What an incredible gesture. And then my pal, Kelly, bought me Angela Thomas’ newest book, “52 Things Kids Need From Their Mom.” Obviously, this morning at MOPS was pivotal in getting me back on track.

The cutie pies depart the train @ the NC Transportation Museum.

Discipline w/ grace

About a week before Christmas, I administered my last spankings ever … or so I hoped. I’m not against corporal punishment if it works for your kids, but I felt I had to break away from it because:

  1. It was morphing into my go-to discipline method.
  2. It was making me sad. “This hurts me more than it hurts you” really is true.
  3. And it wasn’t effective; you know this to be the case when your kid is grinning or giggling by the end of the wallop.

Sure, spanking can be a quick fix, but if it’s overused, the positive ramifications are fleeting. The more potent types of punishment for my boys seem to be time outs, taking away toys and other favorite items, and suspending privileges. Of course, these methods of discipline take huge amounts of time, tons of creativity and major stick-to-it-iveness, but they are so worth the effort in the long run.

I made it exactly one month when I found it necessary to give a round of spankings during a lengthy nap-time battle. However, I was good with the decision because I felt confident that I had exhausted all my other options, and more importantly, I did it calmly and judiciously. Only God could have given me the strength to do this.

Houston (background), Jack & Gabriel work the controls.

And then by continuing to lean on Him, I was able to keep my emotions in check, cover the kids up and coolly exit their room. Instead of seeing an angry, scowling face just before they drifted off to sleep, they saw a loving, in-control Mommy. Within five minutes, they were totally zonked out.

We have gone through some exhausting bedtime struggles since then, but I haven’t yet felt the need to spank in those instances. I guess spanking will just be my ace in the hole, a last-resort measure used on a case-by-case basis.

I’m also trying to empathize with the boys even more than usual. I mean, Daddy doesn’t work from home anymore and has been working longer hours (although, fewer days a week) at his new job. That has got to be hard for them. Plus, Miss Jessie is working more hours, but at drastically different times due to her spring semester classes. That’s a good thing, but again, it’s another change.

Boys-only Saturdays

To make the transition easier, Stephen is trying to make the most of his long weekends. In fact, Saturdays feature some boys-only fun, when Stephen takes the kids out for 3-4 hours, giving them their Daddy fix and me a much-needed break.

Lettie & Zeke check out a passenger car.

Last Saturday, they trekked to the Natural Science Center (NSC). Granny and Grumps got us a membership for Christmas, so Stephen decided to take advantage and attend the 19th birthday party of Bertha, a massive Burmese Python. Upon entry, the twins decided they were massively afraid of the dinosaur replica near check-in, although they weren’t phased by it in the least when I had taken them to NSC earlier in the week.

Gabriel and Zeke screamed and cried, while Houston surprisingly remained claim. See, he was the one who decided he was terrified of the dinosaur exhibit (specifically, the loud-roaring tyrannosaurus rex) on a previous trip there, so I think big bro’s apprehensions definitely played a part in shaping the twins’ newfound fear.

Daddy powered through, taking them to a nearby park in an effort to calm them down and allay their concerns before returning to NSC for one more try. “God bless you,” said the female greeter to Stephen, for she had witnessed the previous crack-up. And lo and behold, the Dillingham dudes made it to Bertha’s bash.

Today, Daddy took the boys swimming at the Y. Pool time was fine, but things got a bit prickly in the locker room. First, Gabriel peed all over the floor. In his defense, he said he had to go when he got out of the pool, but Stephen just couldn’t lug the posse into the bathroom fast enough. Then Zeke announced, “That man’s butt is in our face,” quite accurately, yet rudely describing a man seen au naturel.

Mommies & the kids take a ride on the turntable.

Ever vigilant, Stephen pressed on and took the kids to Chick-fil-A for lunch. Overall, it was a nice dining experience. There was even another kid in the play area named Zeke (short for Ezekiel and everything). However, Daddy rightly decided to pack it up when Gabriel stuck his hand down his poopy pants. Kudos to Daddy, the fatherhood warrior!

Playdates & outings

Stephen also took part in a Moms Club playgroup yesterday. He and Houston met all the mommies and kiddos at NSC, while I took Gabriel and Zeke to their asthma check-up.

We caught up with the gang not too late and continued the adventure outdoors, since we were treated to a brief stint of warmth that morning. What a grand time seeing the monkeys, tigers, wallabies, maned wolves, ant eaters, meerkats, lemurs and Tom the turkey basking in the sunlight.

Some other recent outings include:

  • a highly attended Moms Club playgroup at Backyard Paradise on 1/13;
  • a MOPS playdate at “Asher’s house,” one of Houston’s best buddies, on 1/18;
  • and Zeke’s kicking-his-thumb-sucking-habit celebration on 1/16. Miss Jessie and her little sister, Kaylee, were in attendance, making the frozen-yogurt feast even that much more special.

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A few 3-Amigo sayings

“I like God,” Houston declared. “If you don’t (like Him), he’ll punch you in the face.”

“He hit me three times,” Gabriel said of a bro. “One, three, four!” he continued, holding up fingers for dramatic effect.

A Veggie Tales show talked about Psalm 139:13, which then inspired conversation about the boys being in my belly. Houston announced, “If I had a TV in your belly, I would play video games,” to which Zeke added, “You have a clown in your belly.” Honestly, I think I had three clowns in my belly.

Perspective & balance

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Naughty has been winning out over nice recently, but mostly with the twins, namely Gabriel. “To hell with the consequences” is his current modus operandi, “No” is his favorite word, and “That would be a bad thing” is a frequent response to parental requests.

Zeke (left) & Gabriel bob for apples @ their 3rd birthday party.

Not only has Gabe been particularly stubborn and hard-headed, but he often laughs in the midst of punishment. I think Gabriel is just prone to challenging authority, no matter how negative the outcome. We’re working on him, but man, has mothering the G-man been a particularly exhausting and thankless task as of late.

Luckily, Zeke’s behavior has improved and his sleep-time tantrums have subsided, while Houston’s typical behavior is pretty sweet and polite. Of course, it doesn’t take much naughtiness on the part of one to rock the boat. After all, trying to maintain relative calm and obedience is a fragile thing even when it is achieved.

It’s a delicate balance of disciplining the troublemaker swiftly and effectually without having his influence start a domino effect, while simultaneously remaining stern and loving, and in control and patient. My new bumper sticker sums it up: “Motherhood isn’t for sissies.” Ain’t that the truth?!

“Double trouble” await the lighting of the candles on the “Candy Land” cake, made by Miss Jessie.

Interestingly, most of the bad behavior happens around the house. This makes for normally happy outings, but sometimes makes pre-schooling the 3 Amigos at home quite the challenging task. Miss Jessie is extremely helpful in this regard, so thank goodness we have her to assist in educating the boys and getting me prepared to eventually homeschool. However, any prayer you would like to say for me regarding the latter would be greatly appreciated : )

“The days are long, but the years are short,” goes the parenting adage. That perfectly encompasses the struggles and fulfillment that make up motherhood. So, I must maintain the balance when tackling daily struggles, knowing that these times (even the zaniest ones) are what make the lasting memories, and allowing that perspective to grant me inner peace and continued confidence.

Speaking of balance, I have sincerely lived by the “Simplify the season” motto this Christmas. October, with all its fall and Halloween events, leading up to Thanksgiving was swamped and stressed. Although we had tons of good times, I bit off more than I could chew and promised myself that I wouldn’t do the same with Christmas.

Gabriel takes the lead on the Liberty Loop scavenger hunt.

The boys and I have done just a few choice holiday activities, the family has only attended one party, and I did all my shopping online (and quite frugally to boot). It has been lovely to be able to truly enjoy the magic of Christmas and to impart the significance of Christ’s birth and subsequent holiday jubilation on to the kids.

Last week, we received a handwritten note in the mail from our pastor’s wife, Donna. The Sunday prior, she had seen the spectacle that is loading the hungry, fatigued, but nonetheless energetic 3 Amigos into the car post-church. Upon changing a dirty diaper in the back of the van, I yelled to Stephen, who was watching two of the dudes climb a light pole, “Okay, ready to roll.”

For some odd reason, Donna found great pleasure in witnessing our station in life, no matter how uncouth and uncivil. She stopped to talk to us, and we all had a laugh about the unsophisticated silliness that is so often parenthood. Anyway, her sweet letter read, “My prayer for your family is to feel connected and cared for at Westover.” And we do.

Zeke’s takes a swing @ the rainbow pinata.

Some other happenings:

  • It has been more than two weeks since Zeke has taken Prevacid and without incident, so I think it’s safe to say that he has officially outgrown acid reflux.
  • Houston had his first appointment with our new pediatrician, Dr. Gay. The friendly doc gave him a thorough head-to-toe wellness check, and said that his nose bleeds were due to dry air and could be prevented by daily saline spray.
  • Houston’s appointment offered Gabe and Zeke some alone time with Miss Jessie. The twins concentrated on academics, specifically penmanship, and their writing abilities and eye-hand coordination (most notably Gabe’s) amazed us both.
  • We started the no-interrupting game: the kids must touch our leg if we’re standing or our shoulder if we’re sitting, we give them a nod of acknowledgement, and then we let them speak when there’s a break in the ongoing conversation.
  • Daddy was talking football with the boys and, without prompting, Houston said, “My favorite football team is the Houstons.” Never to be outdone, Gabriel explained that he liked “the Gabriels.” Zeke’s initial pick was the “Zekies,” but then changed his team to the “Mommies.”
  • Jeopardy quiz: Zeke’s answer to the perennial question “What do you want on your pizza?” What is “Broccoli and ice cream.”

Safe on 1st, Houston enjoys his last t-ball game of the season.

  • The boys and I took Bob to her check-up last week. Good news is that she gained 1.4 pounds since starting her new Rx and “the zoo on wheels” had a fun and educational outing.
  • Last Saturday night, the family drove through an impressive Living Nativity (they even had a camel); trekked through a neighborhood-wide forest of lighted Christmas balls and other spectacular holiday luminaries displayed in an old, charming downtown community; and then attended an annual Christmas party we haven’t been to since 2005.
  • Last night, we finally went Christmas caroling to Miss Shawn’s and Miss Heather’s houses. We still have a couple more neighbors to visit, but overall, the dudes did great on both vocals and instrumentation. Our set list: Rudolph, Little Drummer Boy, Oh Christmas Tree, and Jingle Bells.
  • Today, we went to the Children’s Museum with Miss Christie from MOPS and her daughter, Piper. The dudes delighted in their faves — such as the fire truck, the trains, the giant legos, the mini-shopping market and the outdoor gardens — but also had a blast in the visiting Curious George exhibit.
  • Despite being pooped, Gabriel totally undressed himself at bath time tonight, which included the feats of getting his head and arms out of his shirt and his undies off. Quite spectacular.

 Nailing the t-ball stand is just as cool as hitting the ball!

Lastly, one of our adaptations of “A Christmas Carol” has animals as the characters. Ebenezer Scrooge is a cranky turtle and his dead business partner, Jacob Marley, is a beaver — a typically non-threatening critter, I would think. Well, Houston has convinced himself that the tame “beaver ghost” illustration is the worthy of fear, making him now afraid of the dark. I pray that’s short lived.

Funny thing is that we have another book of the Charles Dickens’ classic that features a spooky grim-reaper-looking Ghost of Christmas Future, yet that evokes no trepidation in Houston.

And just to keep things perfectly unpredictable, yesterday Houston announced, “I want to be Jacob Marley for Halloween.” Gabriel echoed, “Me, too.” Kids are so weird.

Click the top photo to check out part 1 of the festivities from Gabe and Zeke’s birthday party on 10/15, the pinata pic to view part 2, and the above shot to see happenings from Houston’s final t-ball game in late October.