Category Archives: Health

The art of leaving things undone

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 “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.” – Lin Yutang, Chinese writer

Poet Jill Briscoe added that letting things go not only simplifies our daily existence, but the skill also opens us up “so that the greater things can be done.” For me, those paramount deeds are maturing in my spirituality, and in my roles as wife and mother.

Houston & Gabriel love their homemade Indian headdresses. (Click to see November – Part 1 pics.)

Sometimes I make leaps, while other times I dodder along, baby-stepping it or just falling down flat. But practicing the art of leaving things undone — however futile an effort it often seems — has helped me regain a sense of strength and sanity I had been (intermittently) lacking. Thank you, Lord, for helping me focus more on the essentials.

ClanDillingham.com

In fact, I have on occasion been tempted to give up this blog. It has always served as a therapeutic way for me to vent, celebrate, reflect and update, all while helping me stay on top of my writing skills. Considering all the time it takes away from other things, I have questioned whether the blog and gallery were worth the hassle.

But a chapter in “52 Things Kids Need From Their Mom” points out that a family blog is more like a letter to your loved ones. The author, Angela Thomas, goes so far as to say that it “will become the treasure that helps shape (your kids’) lives and the way they parent their children.”

I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I do think the boys will one day cherish the reminiscences, hopefully giving them a better understanding of their Mommy and Daddy as people and parents, as well as a peek into their early childhood and a few laughs to boot.

Zeke dons his fine-looking homemade pilgrim hat.

Travels

Daddy had some job-training in Raleigh and the 3 Amigos and I decided to travel with him to the Capital City and spend Sunday night, 1/22. This was the boys’ first time in a hotel and they loved the entire experience, from eating in the hotel restaurant and the guy buffing the hallway floors, to the TV at the foot of the bed and the full-length mirror on the closet.

The fancy elevator made the biggest impression on the boys. Initially, Zeke was scared of it and made me walk the stairs with him a time or two, but by the end, he was overcame his fears.

That Monday, I took the kids on a driving tour of NC State and the capitol grounds. They still thought the elevator was cooler. Gabriel even said he wanted to move to Raleigh just so we could have an elevator. Houston concurred it was a nice city, but that he didn’t want to move there because we wouldn’t have a DVD player. I guess they think the Marriott is the only place to live in Raleigh.

Then Gabriel spent his first solo weekend in the mountains with Granny and Grumps from 1/27-1/29. Daddy drove all the boys up to the half-way meeting place on Friday for a big family dinner, and then Houston, Zeke and I picked up Gabriel on Sunday after church. Granny had nothing but praise for G-man’s behavior.

During the hands-on Thanksgiving lesson, Miss Jessie teaches the crew about maize.

Gabriel had a blast, but said that two nights away was enough and that he was ready to get home. It was also really touching to see how much Houston and Zeke missed their beloved bro. They pined for him much more than I thought they would. Too cute.

Family focus

As mentioned in the last blog, we’re attempting to make the most of the more limited time that Daddy’s home. This, of course, takes a little planning and sticking to the agenda, but also flexibility when weather, health, naps and anything else life can throw at us gets in the way. Here are a few of the basics:

  • Friday family dinner night: This is sometimes a struggle, but it is definitely a battle worth fighting. Our new tradition is to discuss topics that the boys have been collecting throughout the week. We totally forgot to do that for this Friday’s mealtime, so we had to wing it and talked about our highs and lows for the day instead.
  • Stephen and I are determined to be more diligent in doing date nights. Our hope is to have at least one every couple of months. As of now, our first night out is on the calendar for a belated Valentine’s dinner. No kids, lots of romance … what’s not to love?!?
  • Stephen will continue with boys-only fun, but he’s also working one-on-one time into the mix. He still owes Gabriel his pool date from the second “diamond” competition, and Houston, who won the latest round, also wants to go swimming. Gabe’s outing is now on the calendar.
  • Of course, family jaunts are crucial and have to be woven into weekends when possible.

Gabriel shows off his “caught fish” from our makeshift teepee. (Click to see November – Part 2 pics.)

Last Saturday when Gabriel was away, Stephen and I decided to take advantage of the lighter load and took the boys to the greenway for some fresh air and exercise. Houston rode his bike (quite expertly, I must say) along the paved trail, and Zeke enjoyed the lakeside views while on foot or from his leisurely spot in the the red wagon.

Then we did Lebanese fare for lunch. Houston and Zeke devoured everything from stuffed grape leaves and hummus to spanakopita and falafel. Granted, the boys are used to this kind of food, since this joint is one of our favorite restaurants, but I think that their one-eighth Arab blood probably has something to do with it, as well. A successful family outing all around.

Education

Due to her spring semester classes, Miss Jessie is here for schooling on our MOPS days. And since the church has pretty great children’s programming, we’ve been doing an alternating schedule of who (Houston or the twins) goes to MOPS with me and who stays home for pre-K fun with Miss Jessie. This gives the MOPS kid(s) some less competitive Mommy time, while allowing Miss Jessie to do really focused, age-appropriate activities for the at-home kid(s).

On 1/31, I visited a Classical Conversations community with my pal, Christie. CC is a method of homeschooling, but the families who utilize this classical model of education meet once a week at different campuses (usually churches) around town for tutorials. This gives kids the experience of learning in a classroom setting and allows them opportunities to make friends. Parents also use the gatherings to organize co-ops, play groups, field trips and the like.

A group photo I snapped to use for the grandparents’ Christmas gifts.

Christie, a former private and public school teacher, has helped me shed much of the self-doubt that had been creeping in regarding elementary homeschooling the boys. Even though that has always been our plan, the thought of it now that Houston is a rising kindergartner was becoming a little scary. But learning about CC and its wonderful local community (many of whom are Westover members) is helping me regain my confidence.

I’m still trying to cover all my bases by simultaneously looking into magnet schools. My county actually has an impressive list of alternative public schools. Of most interest are the Spanish immersion, science and technology, and Montessori academies. I will be attending an upcoming magnet fair, as well as a CC informational meeting, and then we’ll see how things pan out from there.

Health

Gabriel and Zeke recently had a check-up for their cough-variant asthma, and the specialist said we can start weaning them off their antihistamines and inhalers in April, but she wants them to back on the prescriptions in August for one more season. The hope is that they will have outgrown this type of asthma (a very common occurrence in kids) and that they can kick the meds for good in spring 2013.

Last Thursday evening, Gabriel started puking around dinnertime and the spell lasted till just before midnight. I assume it was some sort of short-lived stomach bug because he was doing much better by the next morning. Luckily, none of the rest of the family caught it, and G-man has gotten back his appetite and is doing great.

Gabe still wears the pantyhose from a fun Miss-Jessie game.

Phonics

This Sunday at a restaurant, Houston used his mad phonics skills to sound out “exit.” Amazing to see your kid actually read a word all on his own. Daddy says he also spelled out “buffet” and then expertly figured out what the word said, despite the fact it doesn’t read the way it sounds. Smarty britches.

What’s in a name?

As mentioned previously, Stephen recently encountered another kid named Zeke at Chick-fil-A. Soon thereafter, a lady at MOPS told me she has a 10-year-old son named Zeke, short for Ezekiel and everything. Then there’s getzeek.com (a website similar to Groupon), Disney Channel’s “Zeke and Luther,” and Zeke the little bro on the PBS show “Sid the Science Kid.” Who knows, maybe “Zeke” will end up being the next “Aiden” or “Ethan.”

Now, it’s not a stretch to say that there’s often another “Gabriel” running around at the places we visit on our adventures. His name used to rank in the 30s of top 100 boys names, but apparently has moved its way up into the 20s. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind.

We have yet to cross paths with another “Houston.” In fact, it’s just a weird enough name that people often mistake him for the increasingly trendy name “Hudson.” I’m sure we’ll run across a “Houston” sooner or later … probably whenever we visit Daddy’s home state of Texas.

“Lighten up, Rebecca!”

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That was the friendly advice that Dixie’s daddy, Mr. Milt, gave me when he encountered me rushing around one night like a chicken with my head cut off. In my defense, it was a pretty hectic week, but still, good advice shouldn’t be ignored.

Miss Jessie w/ the 3 Amigos before the Moms Club Halloween party.

Here’s the deal: Stephen has a new job. This is a good thing overall: it’s a challenging gig with a highly respected company, and it’s meeting his goal of learning new technologies. And as a consequence, it’s (hopefully) a more stable and secure place to be as the sole provider of a large family in a turbulent economy.

It does often require long hours and some travel, so Stephen wasn’t around much last week + the family was fighting nasty colds + the kids were exhibiting post-holiday hyperactivity + I was solo since Miss Jessie was at the beach = tough times for mama.

We all survived, though, and I eventually heeded Milt’s advice, ending the week on a strong and positive note!

One of the only pics of Zeke as a cute pumpkin for Halloween 2011.

Getting back into the swing of things has helped. My family craves structure and routine, so doing our first Moms Club playgroup in weeks was cathartic for both the boys and me.

The Friday fun was at Miss Amy’s house and, despite the shenanigans that had taken place at home earlier in the week, the 3 Amigos had excellent manners while eating, shared their toys, didn’t obsess over trains, and just played great with Daniel, Andrew and all the kiddies.

Christmas @ Clan Dillingham

  • My three newly appreciated Christmas songs: “Do You Hear What I Hear,” by Whitney Houston, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” by Mariah Carey, and George Michael’s “Last Christmas.” I’m not normally a fan of any of these artists, but these ditties just fostered good, solid merriment throughout the holidays.
  • The twins found great amusement in “Feliz Navidad.” Every time we heard the song on the continuous Christmas station we jammed all December, they burst into hysterics, giggling like droll little elves.

Darth Vader, Wicked Witch & Spooky Ghost get ready to trick-or-treat, while Zeke stays home 🙁

  • Miss Jessie’s lessons on the Nativity culminated with a Christmas story reenactment, which included the boys using their homemade “three wise man” puppets and other props from Jessie’s church. I think the hands-on activity was effective in helping the kids understand and appreciate the true reason for the season.
  • We spent an evening at Miss Beth’s for some more pre-Christmas fun. The boys decorated gingerbread cookies and watched “Frosty the Snowman” with Matthew and Jonathan.
  • We then took off to the Festival of Lights and sung Christmas carols while biding our time in the long line entering the park. We were awestruck by the spectacular display of more than a million lights, making the wait well worth the effort.
  • While at Wal-Mart picking up a few stocking stuffers, an elderly man in the checkout line saw my purchases and asked, “Are you a teacher?” At first I said, “No,” but then I clarified, “Well, yeah, I homeschool my kids.” So, I guess I am a teacher, even if it is at what we jokingly refer to as Mommy & Miss Jessie’s Pre-School of Hard Knocks!

Two of the 3 Amigos hang w/ neighbors on Halloween.

  • On Christmas Eve, we attended service at church; the boys wrestled on our tumbling mat while Daddy refereed, trying to contain the excitement of Santa’s impending visit (all while watching “The Sound of Music”); Granny and Grumps arrived; and we tracked St. Nick’s progress on the NORAD website.
  • Zeke’s poignant statement on the big day: “Mommy, mommy, this is the best Christmas ever!” he exclaimed with a colossal smile and a gleam in his eye. The blissful proclamation surely makes all the shopping, price comparisons, budget crunching and inevitable stress so worthwhile.
  • We went out to dinner (saw Daniel and Andrew there) and then did some shopping for discount ornaments the day after Christmas. I picked out a few fancy ornaments from Pier 1, and Daddy and the boys got some silly ones from Hallmark for the now three-year accidental family tradition.

Click this shot of the posse to view all the Halloween pics.

  • We headed up to Gramsey and Papa’s from 12/30 through 1/2, tying up the Christmas season and ringing in 2012. The boys got plenty of time with Cousin Kara, who spent the night for the duration of our stay, and we got to see most of the rest of the fam at a huge feast on Sunday afternoon.

The “fancy meal” reward system

Miss Jessie came up with the idea, wherein the kids can earn individual recognition for polite mealtime behavior and get to sign their names on a scroll made to look like “parchment” (i.e., Jessie distressed by burning the edges).

The reward area also displays a feather pen, three champagne flutes, and an ornate box full of shiny things. Once the kids receive the agreed upon number of signatures, we will dress up and eat a posh meal at a nicely set table by candlelight. Yep, Miss J rocks!

Perspective & balance

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Naughty has been winning out over nice recently, but mostly with the twins, namely Gabriel. “To hell with the consequences” is his current modus operandi, “No” is his favorite word, and “That would be a bad thing” is a frequent response to parental requests.

Zeke (left) & Gabriel bob for apples @ their 3rd birthday party.

Not only has Gabe been particularly stubborn and hard-headed, but he often laughs in the midst of punishment. I think Gabriel is just prone to challenging authority, no matter how negative the outcome. We’re working on him, but man, has mothering the G-man been a particularly exhausting and thankless task as of late.

Luckily, Zeke’s behavior has improved and his sleep-time tantrums have subsided, while Houston’s typical behavior is pretty sweet and polite. Of course, it doesn’t take much naughtiness on the part of one to rock the boat. After all, trying to maintain relative calm and obedience is a fragile thing even when it is achieved.

It’s a delicate balance of disciplining the troublemaker swiftly and effectually without having his influence start a domino effect, while simultaneously remaining stern and loving, and in control and patient. My new bumper sticker sums it up: “Motherhood isn’t for sissies.” Ain’t that the truth?!

“Double trouble” await the lighting of the candles on the “Candy Land” cake, made by Miss Jessie.

Interestingly, most of the bad behavior happens around the house. This makes for normally happy outings, but sometimes makes pre-schooling the 3 Amigos at home quite the challenging task. Miss Jessie is extremely helpful in this regard, so thank goodness we have her to assist in educating the boys and getting me prepared to eventually homeschool. However, any prayer you would like to say for me regarding the latter would be greatly appreciated : )

“The days are long, but the years are short,” goes the parenting adage. That perfectly encompasses the struggles and fulfillment that make up motherhood. So, I must maintain the balance when tackling daily struggles, knowing that these times (even the zaniest ones) are what make the lasting memories, and allowing that perspective to grant me inner peace and continued confidence.

Speaking of balance, I have sincerely lived by the “Simplify the season” motto this Christmas. October, with all its fall and Halloween events, leading up to Thanksgiving was swamped and stressed. Although we had tons of good times, I bit off more than I could chew and promised myself that I wouldn’t do the same with Christmas.

Gabriel takes the lead on the Liberty Loop scavenger hunt.

The boys and I have done just a few choice holiday activities, the family has only attended one party, and I did all my shopping online (and quite frugally to boot). It has been lovely to be able to truly enjoy the magic of Christmas and to impart the significance of Christ’s birth and subsequent holiday jubilation on to the kids.

Last week, we received a handwritten note in the mail from our pastor’s wife, Donna. The Sunday prior, she had seen the spectacle that is loading the hungry, fatigued, but nonetheless energetic 3 Amigos into the car post-church. Upon changing a dirty diaper in the back of the van, I yelled to Stephen, who was watching two of the dudes climb a light pole, “Okay, ready to roll.”

For some odd reason, Donna found great pleasure in witnessing our station in life, no matter how uncouth and uncivil. She stopped to talk to us, and we all had a laugh about the unsophisticated silliness that is so often parenthood. Anyway, her sweet letter read, “My prayer for your family is to feel connected and cared for at Westover.” And we do.

Zeke’s takes a swing @ the rainbow pinata.

Some other happenings:

  • It has been more than two weeks since Zeke has taken Prevacid and without incident, so I think it’s safe to say that he has officially outgrown acid reflux.
  • Houston had his first appointment with our new pediatrician, Dr. Gay. The friendly doc gave him a thorough head-to-toe wellness check, and said that his nose bleeds were due to dry air and could be prevented by daily saline spray.
  • Houston’s appointment offered Gabe and Zeke some alone time with Miss Jessie. The twins concentrated on academics, specifically penmanship, and their writing abilities and eye-hand coordination (most notably Gabe’s) amazed us both.
  • We started the no-interrupting game: the kids must touch our leg if we’re standing or our shoulder if we’re sitting, we give them a nod of acknowledgement, and then we let them speak when there’s a break in the ongoing conversation.
  • Daddy was talking football with the boys and, without prompting, Houston said, “My favorite football team is the Houstons.” Never to be outdone, Gabriel explained that he liked “the Gabriels.” Zeke’s initial pick was the “Zekies,” but then changed his team to the “Mommies.”
  • Jeopardy quiz: Zeke’s answer to the perennial question “What do you want on your pizza?” What is “Broccoli and ice cream.”

Safe on 1st, Houston enjoys his last t-ball game of the season.

  • The boys and I took Bob to her check-up last week. Good news is that she gained 1.4 pounds since starting her new Rx and “the zoo on wheels” had a fun and educational outing.
  • Last Saturday night, the family drove through an impressive Living Nativity (they even had a camel); trekked through a neighborhood-wide forest of lighted Christmas balls and other spectacular holiday luminaries displayed in an old, charming downtown community; and then attended an annual Christmas party we haven’t been to since 2005.
  • Last night, we finally went Christmas caroling to Miss Shawn’s and Miss Heather’s houses. We still have a couple more neighbors to visit, but overall, the dudes did great on both vocals and instrumentation. Our set list: Rudolph, Little Drummer Boy, Oh Christmas Tree, and Jingle Bells.
  • Today, we went to the Children’s Museum with Miss Christie from MOPS and her daughter, Piper. The dudes delighted in their faves — such as the fire truck, the trains, the giant legos, the mini-shopping market and the outdoor gardens — but also had a blast in the visiting Curious George exhibit.
  • Despite being pooped, Gabriel totally undressed himself at bath time tonight, which included the feats of getting his head and arms out of his shirt and his undies off. Quite spectacular.

 Nailing the t-ball stand is just as cool as hitting the ball!

Lastly, one of our adaptations of “A Christmas Carol” has animals as the characters. Ebenezer Scrooge is a cranky turtle and his dead business partner, Jacob Marley, is a beaver — a typically non-threatening critter, I would think. Well, Houston has convinced himself that the tame “beaver ghost” illustration is the worthy of fear, making him now afraid of the dark. I pray that’s short lived.

Funny thing is that we have another book of the Charles Dickens’ classic that features a spooky grim-reaper-looking Ghost of Christmas Future, yet that evokes no trepidation in Houston.

And just to keep things perfectly unpredictable, yesterday Houston announced, “I want to be Jacob Marley for Halloween.” Gabriel echoed, “Me, too.” Kids are so weird.

Click the top photo to check out part 1 of the festivities from Gabe and Zeke’s birthday party on 10/15, the pinata pic to view part 2, and the above shot to see happenings from Houston’s final t-ball game in late October.